Normalizing Pregnancy Loss: Start the Conversation.
Why is normalizing pregnancy loss a big deal?
First of all, what does normalizing even mean? It is a term used quite a bit lately, but just to further help the understanding. Normalizing refers to the process of making something more common, accepted usually within society or a culture. So when we are talking about normalizing pregnancy loss, I’m referring to the idea that it should be an accepted practice and people should be able to openly discuss stillbirth or miscarriage without any fear of judgment or feeling shame. Isn’t it crazy we are trying to normalize, DEATH? Unfortunately our society likes to steer as far from death as possible. Even though just like birth, it is natural and coming for us all lol. I think because it is a scary notion, not knowing what is next, so we try to avoid it. It’s uncomfortable, so we avoid it. But guess what isn’t helping these families?
AVOIDING THESE CONVERSATIONS.
Can you guess what most loss parent’s want?
TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT THEIR BABY WITHOUT SOMEONE CHANGING THE SUBJECT OR SAYING A STUPID COMMENT LIKE, “ YOU CAN HAVE ANOTHER” OR IT WAS MEANT TO BE.”
If normalization means allowing someone to talk about something without feeling judgment or shame we are doing one hell of a shitty job!!!
This is why I WILL NOT use trigger warnings in any of my groups or with loss parent’s. It gives the impression that it is wrong, that we need permission to talk about it, that it might make others uncomfortable, that it may trigger someone else, I’m selfish if I talk about something that makes others squirm. It gives the impression that their child should be hid, that they have to pretend they don’t exist, that their sweet baby is shameful. And I will NEVER be someone to hurt another like that. It is a quiet hurt, most people won’t say anything but that is why I’m here.
We aren’t talking about our babies to get attention or because we need validation- although acknowledging our babies always feels good. We do it because it opens up the conversation for others to share. To realize that it is okay to share and we shouldn’t feel judged to tell our story or worry what other people think. These are OUR stories and to share is to connect. It is a way to connect to others who also lost a baby.
Normalizing pregnancy loss can significantly help a person heal by reducing stigma, isolation, and shame associated with this experience. When something is normalized, it becomes more socially accepted and acknowledged, which can lead to several positive effects on an individual's healing journey. Here are some ways we an start normalizing PREGNANCY LOSS.
Reducing Stigma: Many people hesitate to seek help or discuss their struggles because of the fear of being judged or stigmatized. Normalizing certain experiences helps create an environment where moms and dads feel more comfortable seeking support and sharing their stories without fear of discrimination.
Increasing Awareness & Visibility: Normalizing a topic brings it into public discourse and raises awareness. This can lead to increased knowledge and understanding, which in turn can lead to empathy and support from others.
Creating Connections: When something is normalized, people realize they're not alone in their experiences. This sense of shared experience can create connections with others who have gone through similar challenges, leading to a sense of belonging and validation. This is where support groups and other similar means of connection really help!
Encouraging Communication: Open discussions about normalized topics encourage people to talk openly about their feelings, experiences, and struggles. This communication can lead to better understanding, empathy, and the sharing of coping strategies.
Promoting Healing Strategies: Normalizing certain healing strategies, such as seeking therapy or practicing self-care, can encourage individuals to adopt these practices without feeling like they are unusual or weak for doing so.
What are some ways you can help normalize pregnancy loss, even just as an advocate and not someone who has gone through it?
Education and Awareness Campaigns: Use various platforms, such as social media, podcasts, workshops, and community events, to share information, stories, and resources related to the topic you want to normalize. Educate people about the realities of the experience to combat misconceptions. You will typically see this through Non-profit organizations like Star Legacy Foundation, they raise money, awareness and educate! They are a wonderful organization that helped me tremendously when Evelyn died with all their resources. In my case, I work on putting out more podcast episodes and now blog posts to share and educate others.
Promote Authentic Conversations: Create safe spaces where individuals can share their experiences openly and honestly without fear of judgment. Encourage dialogue that is respectful, empathetic, and non-judgmental. Not just creating safe spaces, but BEING a safe space for someone. Allowing then to confide in you and being an anchor of safety for them.
Lead by Example: When influential figures or role models openly discuss and normalize certain experiences, it sends a powerful message that these topics are important and acceptable to discuss.
Here some of the people we often heard about when they lost a baby.
*Chrissy Teagan and John Legend
*Hilaria Baldwin
*Alanis Morrisette
*Meghan Markle
*PINK
*Michelle Obama
*Beyonce
*Wendy Williams-talk show host
*Katy Segal
*Jackie Kennedy Onassis
Media Representation: Showcase diverse and realistic representations of people's experiences in various forms of media. Accurate and relatable portrayals in movies, TV shows, literature, and art can contribute to normalizing certain experiences. Here are some ones that I know of. This is also where social media comes in these days. There is so much on mental health, pregnancy loss and other taboo subjects that we are now talking about more than ever. Here are some of the ones I’m aware of.*Virgin River- Stillbirth
*Up
*The Time Travelers Wife
*Pieces of a Woman- haven’t been able to watch yet. The scenes I’ve seen are so powerful, I just haven’t been ready.
Collaborative Efforts: Work together with organizations, communities, and advocates who share the same goal of normalizing a particular experience. Collective efforts can have a larger impact and reach a wider audience. Here are some of the organizations making a difference in these ways.*Star Legacy Foundation
*PSI- Postpartum Support International
*Chasing the rainbow.org
*March of Dimes- pregnancy and lot’s of resources for loss
*ISA- International Stillbirth Alliance
Storytelling: Sharing personal stories and experiences can humanize the topic and help others relate. Sharing the challenges faced and how one has overcome them can inspire and normalize the process of healing. This also creates the community that we have needed for so long. This is a big part in how we heal, telling our story to others and ourselves.
Consistency: Normalization is an ongoing process. Consistently discussing and advocating for a topic helps it become a natural part of conversations and reduces the novelty factor.
This is why I do this. Yes, more and more people come forward and talk about their experiences but then that is it. I think alot of us feel that after a time, what else can you say or talk about. We may feel that we aren’t healing or moving on. Even though we will always live with the grief, I don’t think there is such a thing as moving on. But we can move forward.
Moving on sounds like we are dropping that experience off at the post office and sending it away. It will never leave us. Which Is why I’m coaching Moms how to focus on Identity building, joy finding and self-love. These are the things that will propel us forward.
Remember that the process of normalization takes time and effort, but it can have a profound impact on individuals' well-being by fostering a more compassionate and understanding society.
xx Vallen
